Sticks & Stones
by xOwlAlwaysLoveYoux
Summary: As punishment, Loki's soul gets taken away, and when he literally falls into Illeana's life, she decides trying to change him might help get it back for him, but secretly thinks if he can be redeemed, maybe she can too. Then someone from her past returns, making due to post promises and threatening not only her and family this time, but the whole universe.
1. Prologue - Redemption

So Idk, I was laying on the couch last night, watching Pretty Little Liars, and these lyrics came to me. A bit different than my other stories, where I start out with an angry/hurt Loki. Now I'm starting with a depressed/suicidal one. I hope you enjoy it all the same though!

I don't own Avengers and Loki and that general story. I do own Peyton and the lyrics.

**PROLOGUE - REDEMPTION**

_"I'm a monster, a master of a lie, my secrets, are reasons everyone had to die, karma comin' back at me, karma bringin' me to my knees, karma trappin' me, will I ever be free?"_

I live deep in the mountains of North Carolina, on the outskirts of a town where everyone knows everyone and gossip travels faster than wild fire. And though I arrived here three months ago, I am still the talk of the town. I'm a mystery to them. I refused to talk about my past and don't tell _them_ this, but I didn't even give them my real name. Peyton Marshall. My mom would have hated that name- it didn't sound girly enough.

And so I punish myself by telling everyone that's my name. So whenever anyone calls, "Peyton!" from across the street, my heart would constrict with a pinch of pain in reminder. So that I would never forget that the reason why they're gone is my fault.

However, I'm rarely in town. The first day I arrived, I slept on a park bench that night. The next day, the owner of the diner across the street let me rent out the loft above. It's an area stuck in the 1900s. The prices were cheaper, vegetables and meat fresh from the neighboring farms, and, even in 2014, they still had flip cell phones, if they had any.

It was a quiet, quaint family of a town and coming from a big city, it was nice.

Until I moved to the town lines, in the hermit's old house. Apparently he'd been dead for weeks before a man he bought feed from for his horses stopped by. I learned this because I went a week and a half without going in town and a group of people came knocking on my door to make sure I was alive.

I didn't have money problems, thanks to my parent's will, so I didn't need a job. Once a week, I went and bought food to let the locals know I wasn't rotting in my bed. Otherwise it was just me and the horses I took over. They kept me from being too lonely and I just lived everyday working around the house or in the barn, or laying in bed trapped in guilt and longing for my family.

Nights were the worst. Before, nights were spent together. Either watching TV or talking or singing, or close family and friends over. Always laughing. Sometimes my brother and I fought, but never longer than a couple of minutes. We were close, and it was my secret that tore us apart.

Now, my nights consist of sitting on a rug by the fire, alone, writing songs about how I ruined my life.

I couldn't see past ever getting over this. As much as I wanted to end it all, I knew I couldn't. It'd be the easy way out, and my family wouldn't be happy to see me. If I even made it to they were.

And maybe that's why I got so involved with this Loki. Maybe if I could save him, I could save myself. Maybe, just maybe, I could redeem myself. If I changed the heart of this lying, cold blooded murderer, maybe I could earn my way back to my parents good graces. Maybe one day I could be free and look them in the eye again.


	2. Chapter 1 - A Broken God

so hey there! thanks for the couple reviews and followers! I hope you enjoy what I've got coming up. I've got a lot ideas cooking in my head :)

**CHAPTER ONE - A BROKEN GOD**

_"A broken god at my door, a broken god begging for no more, a broken god asking if I have a shot gun, a broken god crying when I say I won't give him one..."_

So my story with Loki starts the evening he appeared in the field beside my house and collapsed to the ground. Watching him from grooming a shiny black gelding's back from a saddle, I quickly grasped a chunk of Midnight's mane and pulled myself over and rode bareback to him.

Loki's long black hair covered his face and I didn't recognize him till I flopped him on his back. His hair fell from his eyes and realizing it was _him_ took my breath away for a moment - took my breath away in terror and shock, as last we heard, he was in fact dead.

Hesitately, I placed two fingers to his neck and I felt a light thump of a pulse. Biting my lip, thoughts flew through my head. Something was wrong with him. He was a god and this one wasn't the god of thunder or Lady Sif and the Warriors Three, or the Allfather, the ones we've heard (rather) good things about. It was _Loki, _the god of mischief. The one who tried to take over Earth and force us into submission, killing so many people.

But he just didn't seem the same, right here right now. We all know Loki's story at this point. Always in the shadow of Thor, always teased, never truly trusted. That could do a thing to a person. A nearly motherly instinct took me over. What if I could fix him? I didn't know how I would, but what if I could... what if I didn't treat him as he deserved to be treated, like so many people do to me? Albeit they didn't know my secrets and I know his... but that just cracked my heart even more.

I think he deserved another chance. I mean, he did aid Thor in saving the world with the Dark Elves... in which he supposedly lost his life. How did he survive? In Asgard's eyes, he was cleared of all charges as he helped save the Nine Realms. Though he had been dead at the time of that declaration... I pressed my fingers to my head, feeling a headache coming on.

What was I going to do anyways? Leave him here or run screaming into town? He was alive, at any given second he could kill me anyways if he saw it fit, and I did, truly want to help him.

Call me a silly girl, but staring at his smooth, currently calm face, I knew I wasn't going to give up on him. Everybody needed someone to believe in them, or if you didn't, life was not a thing worth living.

Making my decision, I grabbed his arms and pulled him up to a standing position. His legs buckled and we almost went down together, but somehow I got a good enough grip to support him. I had him flop on Midnight for a moment, causing the dark horse to sidestep, but I turned around to steady both Loki and him in time.

After a couple of minutes, and running back and forth between each side, pushing and pulling Loki on the horses back, I was leading them to my front stop.

Getting Loki off was easier for the fact he was slowly regaining conscious. When I pulled him down off Midnight, he held on my shoulders, and stood wobbly.

He looked me in the eyes and murmered, "Please."

My face scrunched up in confusion. "Please what?"

"Kill me..." Loki just barely whispered, before collapsing again. On his knees, he said softly, "I don't deserve to live."

I paused a second, taking a breath, before kneeling too. "I can help you," I replied in a hushed tone.

But he shook his head. "I'm beyond help. I've done too much."

"For all the right-wrong reasons," I told him.

"What?"

"The way you were treated, the way you grew up... no wonder why you were so screwed up. Let me show you another way-" I attempted to say, but Loki spoke over me.

"I need to be responsible for my actions-" He started, but I interupted him.

"Then be responsible! Change! Don't do it again! Killing yourself will be not wanting to own up to what you did. It'll be trying to get out of the punishment." I said firmly, making him look me in the eye, but he broke away immediately.

"B-but the things I've done! I-I've seen! I c-can't... I can't live. It haunts me.. it's all I see, the blood, the bodies, the screaming..." Loki choked and tears fell down his face.

I pursed my lips together. This was not the god I've read about, at all.

"You won't feel better after you die. Do you think you forget when you're dead? I don't think so. I think it will always haunt you. But you get the change to redeem yourself. Don't you want that? Don't you want to make your wrongs right, Loki? _Don't you_?" I replied in a low voice, my voice cracking at the last two words. Because I know I do. I nearly looked away as I thought, _and maybe, if he can be redeemed, maybe there's hope for me too_...

Loki took a shuddering breath and closed his eyes. I placed a hand on his cheek.

"Let me help you. I... still have hope for you." I smiled gently, and he leaned into my hand.

"You don't mean it... you don't know who I am, you don't know what I've done." Loki exclaimed miserably.

"Well, actually, I studied Norse mythology for a while and the story of Thor coming to Mexico has gone around and we all know what you tried to do before the Avengers stopped you a couple months ago..." I trailed off, realizing what I was saying wasn't a good thing, before quickly adding, "But let's not forget your part in bringing down the Dark Elves."

Loki just stared at me. "Truly how do you know so much?"

I shrugged, but the faces of my parents flashed before my eyes, and I looked away. My hands fiddled with the buttons of my sleeve now.

"You can just try living here, as a human..." I suggested, looking back at him.

His lip curled slightly, but he didn't voice what came across his mind, and as quickly as the lip-curling came, it was gone.

"Then just... live here. As you." I said simply, then blurted out, "But not like people-killing you, please."

Loki closed his eyes. "I don't even know who I am anymore," He admitted with a broken voice. "I just know I hate myself. Please," he started to beg me again with huge eyes, "_Put me out of my misery_."

I shook my head, making up my mind. "No. No more deaths," Pain ripped my heart for a second. "I can save you. I will this time. I won't let you die like I did them."

His eyes were a world of hurt and my words, my omission of what I did, were lost on him. Loki's face fell to his hands. "You're right," he said through his fingers, "You're right." His voice was barely a whisper.

I wish I wasn't.

I wish I wasn't so selfish.

* * *

In my humble little farmhouse, I handed him a hot cup of a coffee and wrapped a blanket around his shoulders. Loki sat crosslegged, staring glossy eyed into my lighted fireplace. I curled up on the couch and watched him silently.

There were no words that needed to be said.

However, not much time past before I was startled by a sudden cry. Breaking from the insides of my mind, I refocused on Loki. His cup rolled beside him and his arms were outstretched. I got up and walked around him. Coffee dripped off his pants, making a small puddle on my wood floors.

"Are you okay?" I asked, pulling Loki up. He felt rigid against me and I dragged him over to the couch. "Loki?" His eyes stared unblinkingly ahead, wide eyed and frozen. I took a step back, at a lost as to what to do.

"Hey," I said softly, climbing beside him. I pulled his stiff body to myself, his head on my chest. "Loki, hear my voice. I need you. I need you back here." I stroked his hair, but he stayed just as taunt. My fingers brushed his cheek and he was ice cold.

I didn't know what to do. What a good job I was doing of saving him. I was going to get nowhere with this. I was doomed.

I closed my eyes and held him tight.

It was no more than fifteen minutes before Loki's body melted against mind. He breathed heavy, shuddering breaths, and I kept my hold on him.

He didn't do anything but lay there, and I didn't let go. A growing feeling of awkwardness was weaving its way through my body. What was I suppose to do? All I've done as of late was drive human company away, not comfort them.

Loki's voice was hoarse when he finally spoke. "It's a game now." He straightened up and caught my eyes. "It's a game I can't win." His voice was helpless and just stating a fact.

"What do you mean?" I asked quietly, like if I spoke any louder he'd just shatter.

"He took something from me. Something I acted like I didn't have before. He laughed as they pulled it from me." He sounded hollow.

Loki made me scared to ask what it was, but I did anyway. "What did they take?" I barely breathed.

"My soul."

What he said didn't truly register to me.

"And who took it?"

In a dead voice Loki said, "Thor."

* * *

There was no explanation of Loki's statement about Thor. The god of lies went quiet and spoke no more that night. I placed a blanket over him and left him on the couch. In my room, I got lost in my own thoughts and memories.

Long after the night took over the day, but close to when the light would reclaim what was rightfully his, I broke out my guitar, trying to make sense of my day.

"A broken god at my door, a broken god begging for no more, a broken god asking if I have a shot gun, a broken god crying when I say I won't give him one," I sing these words softly as I pluck around on my guitar. A cold feeling swirled in my stomach as I realized for the first in a long time my lyrics aren't about the pain and guilt that has haunted me since my family died.

So many feelings fought inside me. Would it count if I was halfway doing this for myself? That this broken god gave me hope? Was I an awful person because doing this, made the guilt burning me away simmer down? Why did I even think I could change him, as broken as _I _am? And despite all these thoughts about saving myself, I did actually want to help him. Even all the things he's done, if he feels even a little bit what I feel... I'd want to stop that pain from being in anyone.

All these truths created a war in me.

But I was going to do it anyway. I was going to follow through and help Loki even if it killed me. It was something to do. Something to live for.

What else did I have? Was I going to spend the rest of my life feeding my horses and walking into town once a week to let everyone know I was alive?

I had to fight what I did to my family. I had to fight what lies in me. My deep dark secret. Or maybe one day it will become me.


	3. Chapter 2 - Mirage

Omg y'all, thanks for the faves and follows, and the one review for the first chapter! I appreciate so so so much. I hope you like the next chapter- we're starting to get on Peyton's backstory and her parents and all that good stuff. Let me know what you think please! :)+

**CHAPTER TWO - MIRAGE**

_"I'm just a mirage, look at me like an oasis, but all I am is a black abyss, just a mirage, look at me like a complete puzzle, but all I am pieces of something that use to be beautiful, oh I'm just a mirage, a mirage, a mirage, look at me like I'm cold ice, but all I am is about to shatter like glass..."_

As the sun started to peak its way through ups and downs of my backyard mountains, I softly padded back into the livingroom, checking on Loki. Yesterday nearly felt like a dream, but there he was, sprawled out on my couch. His blanket fell to the floor, and carefully, I placed it back over him.

This morning, under the magic of sleep, his face was smooth and peaceful. Any stress or heartbreak over yesterday was far from his mind, and he almost looked like an innocent little kid. But I knew he wasn't.

My living room opened into the kitchen and I went to start breakfast. I kept glancing over at Loki, but for the next half an hour all he did was sleep quietly. I could hear his soft breath and so when it suddenly picked up into gasps, I was over in a second flat.

His face scrunched up in pain as he let out a cry. "No, please! Stopstopstopstop!" He croaked, voice laced with pain. Loki flinched into the couch and moaned into the cushion. He jerked again and bit his lip, causing blood to suddenly drip down his chin and into his shirt.

I stood there helplessly and in shock for a second. I didn't know what to do; what was I suppose to do!? I've always heard never to wake someone having a nightmare, but not wake them and have them tortured by their sleep, rather than wake them, and what happens?

"Loki!" I bursted out, bending down to shake him. "Loki, wake up!" I shook his shoulder hard and he screamed, before popping terror-filled eyes open. "Loki, it's just me. It's Peyton. It's just me," I whispered, pulling him into my chest. He melted against me, like a toddler waking up from a bad dream, so scared, only wanting to be held tight in someone's arms.

I rocked him back and forth gently, like I would a baby, and murmered, "Shhh, shhh, you're okay."

At some point, Loki pulled away and wiped his sweat leadened (or tear streaked?) face and asked in a broken voice, "What am I going to do?"

I looked him in the eye and answered, "We're going to get your soul back."

He crossed his legs and replied, "But how? Thor took it."

I wondered for a second on how Thor could take it, but how would I honestly know? I used to know people who would... and I was the one who killed them.

"We'll figure something out. I ain't giving up on you," I promised softly. I kept my voice firm and soothing, like I knew I could do this, and as his eyes begged me for proof he could trust me, I tried to harden my expression, to not feeling anything, to give him hope. Though mine was fading fast. However I would hold it together to him- I'd be whole, and his savior, and I will see my parents again because of him.

I was tied together with a smile, but I could never come undone.

* * *

I guided Loki to my library. Filled with my parent's books (or ones I bought again because I ruined them), I never went in here. I never could bring myself. I swallowed hard and acted like I wasn't shattering like glass on the inside.

I could not cry in front of Loki, not anymore, when he's counting on me.

"My parent's knew a lot about Asgard," I admitted, as I made my way to their old journals.

"Why?" Loki asked, but I didn't answer. My hands shook as I picked up one of my dad's leather-bound journals, filled with his scribblings - memories. I placed my palm on the cover. It was worn with use, he was always reading stories to us. The book almost felt alive, I could almost feel a pulse. I closed my eyes for a second.

I put that one back and grabbed the one that wasn't well worn, the leather not cracked, just faded with age. He never read from here. They were scary stories, he told us. He kept this book on a high shelf. One time, my brother and I pulled a chair over and he climbed up, then I did, and got on his shoulders. I still couldn't reach, but I was almost there. I put on foot on Jacob's head and he yelped, "Ow!" I ignored him though, because I was almost there. I had another foot on the shelf and I went on my tip toes, and I could finally reach it! In that moment, my feeting felt secure, so I quickly opened it, and started to read:

_Arianna's face was pale and her eyes wide, but I ignored her obvious nerves. I'd fought worse than this old hag, so how dare she be worried? And even if the witch did cause issue, how dare _she_, for I am brother to the king!_

Jake exclaimed in a whisper, "Stop reading and come down! You're hurting me!" I ignored him again and kept reading:

_Her face was wrinkled and worn like dried jerky. Her hair fell in tangled knots. And her grin was mostly black gum, with just a few brown teeth. The most disgusting, and at the time I would not have admitted this, but terrifying thing about her was her eyes. _

I could barely hear my brother whine my name over my pounding heart. I continued reading with a small gasp:

_Again, would not have admitted this then, but it sucked all the breath out of me in pure terror when I met them for the first time. Or more techically so, her eye sockets. Thick, dark skin covered where her eyes were suppose to be, as if they had been melted away by the sun, and-_I screamed, startling Jake, causing him to drop me. I fell to the ground, covering my head with my arms, and dislocating my shoulder. My mother came rushing in and took me to the hospital and I had nightmares about the witch and refused to listen to another story out of those leather journals ever again.

I didn't realize I'd said that story out loud till Loki replied with wide eyes, "I know the witch you speak of; and I know of Arianna."

I started and snapped, "It was just a story my dad heard. Just a scary story."

He shook his head and replied, "The man was too confident, and the witch too evil. Arianna was told she'd bear two children, as the reason they met with her, but the children were to be cursed-"

"_Enough_," I cut off venomously, "I know the story." I gathered up the journals and shoved them into his chest, "Start looking through these. Maybe something in here will help you."

I bolted out of the room and slammed the door of the bathroom. That wasn't suppose to happen. I was suppose to keep it together. My body trembled. It was all too fresh, what I did, and Loki had heard of Arianna, my _mother_? I pressed my palms to my eyelids. He could never know who I am, what I did.

I couldn't do this- I couldn't break down. I gasped for breath, but focused on calming it. I was about to shatter, but I had to stay there, at the 'about'.

* * *

By the time I saw Loki again, my trembling had made it's way down to a slight hand shake, and he didn't notice.

"Sorry about earlier. The witch in the story terrified me, and you talking about it brought up old feelings," I apologized softly to him.

Loki waved it off and asked, "How did your parents get these journals?"

I shrugged and lied, "A dying man gave them to my dad, and he, the story obsessed, ate them up."

Shaking his head in disbelief, he replied, "All these stories are things _my_ parents and maidservants used to tell me. They fled, never to be seen again, and even Heimdall couldn't see them."

I hesitated, knowing I shouldn't ask, but I bit my lip and did anyways, "The man in this story was your uncle, correct?"

Loki nodded and I had a strange sense of disappointment, but I couldn't pinpoint why.

But then he said, "But only by the sense of relationship, not blood."

"What do you mean?" I asked as my heart lightened a bit.

"My father," He hesitated over those words, "Odin, had two brothers, and they died for him. This man, Thomas, was a servant, and the three brothers had always been rather close to him. After their deaths, he became Odin's best friend was unceremoniously raised from servant to warrior. After many battles and adventures at Odin's side, Thomas fell in love with Arianna, though she was unbearen, no matter what they did. Finally they met with the witch and- well, you said you knew that story."

I nodded silently, taking that in. Why hadn't her father told her that? Had Jake known? I remember refusing hearing stories about Asgard at some point. If I'd kept on listening, would things have turned out the way things did?

There was a long pause, then Loki said, "I didn't find anything of use. That witch died when Thomas disappeared-"

Terror shot through me with that statement. The witch was certainly not dead and her voice echoed through my ears, _I will be back, and sooner then you think. You _will not _get rid of me._

"Peyton?" Loki said my name, breaking me out of my memory, then paused, "That is your name? You haven't introduced yourself."

A small smiled played across my lips, "I guess we hadn't really gotten that far. It is Peyton." My heart constricted at the name and all the times my mother called me inside and Jake whined my name and when my dad got home from work whispered in my head. _Lea... Lea, my love._

"Well, it has been an honor to meet you, Peyton, and I graciously thank you for your hospitality." Loki gave a slight bow and I laughed. A grin formed on his lips, a mischievious one- one I'd expect from the god of mischief. I don't know why it did, though, as we hadn't found anything to help his prediciment.

"You... seem in a better mood," I commented, and immediately wondered if I'd regret saying that.

He shrugged, "Maybe, banished from Asgard, I could find Thomas. He might not be on Midguard, but I have time to search, anywhere and everywhere."

I was speechless for a moment. He wants to find Thomas, my dad I killed myself? I didn't know what to say, or what to do. It was a dead end search.

Oh my gosh, what do I do?

"I think he knew... about me. About what I am. He always understood me," Loki continued on, unaware of my personal crisis.

"Loki..." I started, but when he looked at me, I couldn't say it, "Loki, let's do it. Together. I promised to help you. Let's do it."

Loki's face lit up so bright with hope that without permission my face mirrored his.

Thankfully a plan quickly formed in my mind. Well, a plan of a plan. All I had to do was find a way to get Loki's soul back before he started getting bored of a wild goose chase to find my father.

Easy, right?


	4. Chapter 3 - He Didn't Go

_really loving the reviews and followers and likes! thank y'all so very much! I know it's been forever since I've posted, but my evenings have finally cleared up (I had to take a driver's ed class ugh - being the only 20 year old in a group of 15 year olds is a rather humble and humiliating experience), and I'm back at it!_

_boy, longer chapter than I imagined, and I had wanted to write even more! excited to share the half truth of Peyton's past ;)_

**CHAPTER THREE - HE DIDN'T GO**

_"They always said the truth would set you free, but I could only have it come out of me when I was losing everything, when he was walking away, and the words fell out like the line of a fishing pole, I flung them out, and somehow, they caught and he didn't go..."_

Loki did most of the work. He devoured my dad's journals by day and by night, we discussed plans. A fire lit in his eyes, a fire of hope and possible redemption. He constantly talked about his uncle -my father, about what a great man he was. How he always wanted to be like him, and in the past couple days, I didn't see a god trying to take over the world, I saw a man on a quest to find someone who possibly had loved him, despite what he was.

And with each passing day, my promise to help him found Thomas cracked and chipped at me more and more. I thought the nightmares and panic attacks and memories my punishment. Boy, was I wrong. It's just starting to began. This is it.

* * *

It took a couple days to figure out a starting point - England. After making a grand escape, they landed in a small town, thankfully as fashion forward as they were... considering it was a couple hundred years ago. They looked the part, but had a hard time fitting it. They started off poor and begging, but Thomas was smart, and it wasn't long before he worked his way up. And even shorter amount of time was when my brother was first born.

Sometimes I think, why couldn't they have stopped at him? Why did they go for another? The world would be so much better off without me. It'd have three good people to contribute and help it prosper, but instead it got me with a knack of killing people unexpectedly...

_An unexplainable raged filled me. I was blinded, my whole body shook and burned and was on fire and so alive. _

_"Lea, fight it. You can fight it. Lea!" My mom screamed before I killed her. I turned to my older brother and his lip quivered._

_Jake whispered with tear filled eyes, "It's okay, I understand. Lea, if you can hear me, I understand." When he fell to the ground, my eyes found my father. Mine narrowed as his widened._

_And all my dad said was, "I love you."_

Why were they like that. Why, in the face of me killing them, did they still _love_, still _understand _me? Why tell me to fight it? All I ever was _was_ myself, I didn't want to fight it. Now, I do, but then...

"Peyton," Loki's voice jerked me back to reality. "Peyton, are you all right?" His voice was soft, concerned. I looked up at him with shining eyes and quickly blinked away the forming tears.

I was slouched against the wall of the library. I took a few shuddering breaths before pulling myself up. "I'm fine," I answered.

"You were..." Loki trailed off, shaking his head, "You were_n't_ there. At all."

I shrugged, "I wasn't. I was at some miserable day of my past, but no big deal. Don't worry about it."

He gave me an odd look, and I cut it off by saying, "So I think we can leave soon, like a couple of days."

He nodded eagerly and starting talking about my father again.

I can't do this.

* * *

_"Illeana," Her lips curled around my name, revealing black gums and few yellow teeth, "It's so good to see you again."_

_"Sorry I can't say the same," I replied, narrowing my eyes at her. _

_She tsked at me, "So rude. No respect, kids these days."_

_"Respect is something you earn." I felt remarkably calm, talking to my childhood nightmare. The monster under my bed and in the closet and hiding in shadows. _

_"The things I did, I did for you." Her skinned covered eyelids bore into me._

_"I'm so sure," I rolled my eyes. Something felt off about this, an echo or a memory, or something, was aching at my heart. I felt too calm, too in control. _

_"You're mine, child. No matter what you do. So I will take care of you," She replied,"You should even be thanking me _right now_."_

_A dull pain formed in my chest. A knot formed in my stomach._

_"Oh, there you go thinking. I was trying to give you a gift, my dear. A few moments of relief. So much confusion, so much grief bottled up in that little body of yours, and for good reason, don't you forget."_

_And the echo or the memory or whatever it was exploded in my mind and I _remember_, oh God I remember. _

_"Our time is nearly up anyways, Lea my love." She used the words my father called me and I cringed, but she continued on, "I'd watch that god of yours too. Or maybe I should tell him to watch you, you lying silly little girl. Leading him on, telling him you'll find his uncle- _your _father _you _killed. Tsk tsk."_

_I gritted my teeth against the pain- the regret and anger. _

_"And you think you can redeem yourself, be free from this pain?" She laughed, "A little reminder that I'm in control here. We'll be seeing each other very soon. But till then, let's play a game."_

_I remember. I remember, and those last four words scare the crap out of me._

_She pointed a long, boney finger at me and I screamed as fire laced through my body._

_"Keep an eye on the broken god. If he dies, well... that's four to your name."_

_I screamed my throat raw. My body vibrated as my body threated to blow up._

_But an alarmed voice was calling out the word 'peyton'. Peyton. No, the name 'Peyton'._

_I'm her too now. Not Illeana. I'm_

"Peyton!" Loki exclaimed, voice covered in worry. I opened my eyes. He stood directly over me, bent over my face. He was inches away.

I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing would come out. I couldn't comfort him, I couldn't say I was fine, I couldn't do anything.

After a moment, in a hoarse whisper, I said, "Hold me."

My nightmare was quick fading away. I don't know what happened, but I do know She was there. And she's still coming for me. I let out a cry as Loki pulled me to his chest and I buried my head into shirt.

* * *

"We're some screwed up people," I smiled weakly a little while later. Loki still held me tight, unashamedly and perfectly and I felt safe in his arms, though he'd done nothing to prove to me that I was.

"Is this how you imagined the God of Mischief to be? I'm sure your father would be disappointed," Loki laughed bitterly at himself. I felt his chest vibrate against my ear.

I looked up at him, but I couldn't hold it. "Nah, I think he'd've liked you," I muttered.

"I'm not- I can't be like this. If I could just find Thomas, if I could just talk to him..." He trailed off. His breath coming in short gasps, shaking my head around.

I sighed sadly inwardly, but kept a smile on my lips. "It'll all work out, don't worry about it."

As soon as I said this a voice fluttered around my head:

"_Leading him on, telling him you'll find his uncle- _your _father _you _killed. Tsk tsk."_

I swallowed hard. She was there in my dream. And she will be here soon.

* * *

Loki held me through the night. Sleep overpowered me and I fell asleep against his chest, but no more nightmares had plagued me. I woke up with his arms loosely wrapped around my body and his head fallen on top of mine. Carefully, I extracted myself from him. He stayed slumped against my bedpost.

I quickly showered and got dressed. I sat curled on my couch/Loki's bed when I heard a deep thump and glass shattering, and not soon after, a gasp of pain. I unraveled myself and bolted to the hall, finding Loki in the bathroom.

There he stood staring at his hands, as blood trickled to the floor, covering a fallen shards of mirror. His eyes were wide and tortured, like he'd been stabbed repeatedly with the pieces, rather than cut by his own fault.

"Loki," I said, but my voice didn't register to him. I went over and gently touched his shoulder, "Loki." His eyes met mine, but they were distant. I pulled his hands closer to me, noting a few pieces of glass poking out of his knuckles. He suddenly let out a gasp and I caught his eyes again just before he shut them.

Loki's eyes immediately popped back open and he mumbled, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

"Loki, you're fine, you're-"

"I don't deserve this. I don't deserve Thomas or to be alive or to be dead. I k-k-keep thinking I could get past this. But I can't."

"Loki-"

"_She's right_."

The way he said it brought chills down my spine. It felt like She, _capital S_ She. She who haunts my nightmares and She who promises to come back and She who shaped me into who I am. I can't explain why it feels like Her, but it does.

"Who?" I barely breathed. He said nothing, so I repeated with more force, "_Who_?"

"I don't know. She-She," Loki stuttered before stopping. "I don't know."

"I understand," I whispered and I quickly fixed a washcloth and found my tweezers.

My mind racing as I pulled the pieces out of his hand.

* * *

I needed to get him to Thomas, to get Loki to believe he was worth something, but with the witch torturing Loki and the fact we'd never find something, Loki was a goner.

This was a dead end.

* * *

Without a word that night, he slid into bed with me. I curled into his arms and he held me tight, fitting my head under his chin. I didn't deserve this. I was the worst kind of traitor.

"I think..." Loki started, but trailed off.

"What do you think?" I prompted. He sighed, shuddering my body.

"Her. In my dreams," He paused, seemingly to make sure I understood. I nodded and he continued on, "I think she's the same one that cursed Thomas' children."

I closed my eyes, but he couldn't see them. I held my breath, but he didn't seem to notice.

"Somehow. I don't think she wants me to find him. She keeps sending me visions," Loki hesitanted over the word, "of him, and a boy, and Arianna. They're pale. All the blood drained out of them, and lifeless. I think they're dead, but she says they're just sleeping."

"It's a trick," I blurted out. He pulled away and looked down at my face. I wouldn't catch his eyes.

"Why do you say so?"

"I dream of her, too," I admitted quietly, "For many years. She changed me, and then..." I trailed off, finishing it in my mind: _and I killed my family_.

But Loki wasn't paying attention, he wasn't listening to me. He was lost in his own thoughts and revelations.

"I think I need to save them from her. I think that's it now," He said, and he looked past me.

"Why would she show you them? It's atleast got to be a trap," I tried to convince him. They're dead. My family is dead and this is a trick.

"No," Loki paused again, before forcing the next words out of him, "It'll be an exchange."

A chill went down my spine. "What?" I whispered.

"Their freedom... for me."

"But what the girl? There were two kids. A boy and a girl. You said Thomas, Arianna, and a boy. It's not them. It's got to be a trap." Panic filled me as I said the first thing that came to mind, a desperate attempt.

"The story never said if they were boys or girls. How do you know?" His gazed jerked back to me, almost suspiciously.

"I-I-I just assumed," I stuttered and his eyes narrowed down at me. His arms fell away.

"She said something about you. That you were lying to me. Knew more than you let on, but I thought that was the trick. Maybe not. Maybe I am trusting the wrong person," Loki nearly hissed at me, as he pulled away and got out of my bed.

I was speechless for a moment. He started to back away.

"You're not even going to deny it! This was your plan. It get to me when I'm weak and vulnerable. Get me to trust you," Loki accused, a vicious tone in his voice.

"No- this-no, Loki," I just kept stuttering. What do I say? It's all falling apart, "No, I know, because... of her. Please believe me. I can't lose you," I begged, my eyes filling with tears.

"Tell me the truth, or I'll kill you. And trust me when I tell you, I will know if you lie."

My breath tore away from me. I was scared. This is the god I heard of; the god that heartlessly murdered.

"I-I read my dad's journal, with the story of Arianna and Thomas, and the way he described her gave me nightmares. At first, just of that day. Just of that, and it was the same dream over and over. Then they stopped, and I had some peace, but it wasn't long before they started back up again," I paused, trying to catch my breath.

"Go on!" Loki yelled, eyes flashing. I closed mine.

"They were like before, but something was a little off, and after a couple weeks, it went longer then the bit I read. And just one day, she turned around and looked right at me with her skin covered eyes and said, '_Oh, hello there_' and my neighbors called the police over how loud I was screaming," I paused again, but quickly went on, "But after that, she controlled the dream more. She made me feel calm about it all, and soon it didn't bother me, and soon they weren't nightmares."

I continued, "She started telling me things about myself. How I was special, how I could do things most people couldn't, and she'd take care of me because no one else would understand. I thought about these 'gifts' and her constantly."

Loki had started to relax again, deciding I was telling the truth, and looking interested in my story. He sat at the edge of the bed, as I sat crosslegged in the middle.

"I begged her to teach me, to let me be special, and she said it would be hard for me, that I'd have to hide it, and I agreed. So in dream lessons, she taught me. It was just, just so much fun for a while. And then she taught me this spell, to kill animals, and made me do them, or she'd 'punish' me, so I did it. First I was killing things that killed others, and it wasn't so bad, but then she had me kill my neighbors dog, and it.. it... didn't stop there. She told me to," and I stopped, not wanting to admit to what I did.

"Go on," He said again, but much softer, and not in anger. Telling this story in full was releasing a pressure in my chest.

"She said this man down the road hurt people, all the time. She told me to watch him, with a spell she taught me. It helped me stay in the shadows and unseen. Told me to do what she had taught me. I did. The man was getting drunk and hurting his wife and kids, and it obviously happened often. And I killed him, just like she wanted."

I took a long, shattering breath.

"But he _was _a bad man, he deserved to die," Loki said.

"I was 13, Loki! I shouldn't've been doing that... and he wasn't the last. And the reasons started to lessen, till I just did it, with no question asked," I hung my head low as I admitted to being a killer, "I felt in control. With every life gone, I felt stronger, and turns out, it was. The dark magic taking over me."

"What were your parents doing amist all of this? Did they notice anything?" Loki asked quietly.

"They did, and... I was just as worse as her! I made them forget. I was doing her bidding, like she owned me, and turned out she did. She could and can control me. And my parents were worried, so worried, despite my spells, but I kept blowing them off. Gave them ideas it was the teenage rebellion phase, and if you ever see a picture- which you won't, I burned them all- it was taking a toll physically. I lost so much weight, my bones poked out, and I had dark spots under my eyes. It was going to kill me and my parents were finally fighting back and realizing something was terribly wrong, and one day... I was really tired of it too, and I didn't make them forget, and then, and then..." I trailed off, pursing my lips.

Tears streamed down my face and I was finally back in Loki's arm. "Oh, Peyton..."

And I finally finished my story, "Then suddenly I was standing over their dead bodies. I don't remember much, just how I felt alive and in an unexplainable rage but so in control and all these other conflicting feelings. It was like when I was killing anyone else, but I was _killing my own family_. It was a battle and it wasn't. I didn't want to do it, but there was no question I was going to..." I tried to explain, but I couldn't find the right words, "And me doing it... was just a story in my head. It never felt real, never felt connect to my body," I stopped again, aware I was babbling and I didn't make any since.

I was back to being curled into his arms and my head fitting perfectly in his neck. I couldn't look at him, I couldn't say any more. I'd finally told someone the whole, insane, wild truth about what happened to me and my family. A little voice nagged about my lack of names, of how I still wasn't telling the whole truth, but I was telling _the_ truth, another voice told me. So Loki didn't kill me.

Eventually I said, "And so... I'm a witch. Like her, but when I killed my family, I haven't been able to do anything. It's just... gone."

Loki took a breath out, swirlling my hair around for a moment.

"Want some more truth?" I asked, since I was being somewhat honest, and wasn't really thinking straight anymore. I wiped some tears off my face.

"Lay it on me," He laughed a bitter laugh.

"My name is actually Illeana, aka Lea."


	5. Chapter 4 - Mine

_the response for the last chapter was overwhelming y'all, I can't believe it! (I hope you can hear my sarcasm haha) I was a bit disappointed... I'm starting to see the direction I'm taking and making up all these background stories and no one is telling me whether it's good or not lol and I need that! If you love it, tell me. If you hate it, tell me too! It just takes like 5 seconds, if that, to go down and post a review and be like "hate, you suck". Now, I'd rather you not say that, but at this point I'd take anything. xD _

_anyways! our love story finally starting! _

**CHAPTER FOUR - MINE**

_"You're pale winter and summer sun combined, eyes like ice and a soul of light, and all I am is fighting out thoughts of 'I want you mine, I want you mine, I want you mine, oh darling, I want you mine...'"_

Loki went quiet for a moment, at the omission of my real name. Why did I tell him? What if he'd heard my name in one of the rumors about what happened to my dad? Stupid, Lea, that's all you ever will be.

Finally he asked, "Why 'Peyton'?"

I let out a huge breath, "My mom liked really, really girlie names. Peyton could go either way. I never wanted to forget what I did, I never wanted to move on... and giving myself a name my mom would hate would help me do that."

"Why don't you want to move on?"

"I don't deserve to," I admitted softly.

Loki scoffed at me, "You tell me over and over I can be 'redeemed', but you don't even believe yourself can be?"

"I was thinking... I was thinking if I helped you get redeemed with all you've done, maybe I could one day too. If I could see you do it with all you've done, maybe I could too," My voice came out small, broken.

He sighed, pressing fingers to his forehead, "So, you just- I don't know, thought you could trial and error on me, and if you failed," He flung his hands up, "Oh well, atleast you tried?"

His voice was low and feigned calmness, and it was probably my imagination, but I thought I heard a hint of hurt. I shook my head but stopped.

"It wasn't all that. Trust me, Loki, please, I've always just wanted to help you," I pleaded. I didn't want him mad at me. I didn't want him to leave me.

Then maybe it was all in vain, all for selfish reason? Was it ever to just help him?

"I'm really sorry, Loki. Screw myself aside, it's about you. I know you better now and I just want you happy. I don't care what comes of me!" I cried, looking up at him.

Loki pulled himself away, but didn't leave the bed. Putting his palms to his eyes, he groaned, "I trusted you."

"And what have I truly done to betray you!? Please Loki," I replied, silently begging him with my eyes.

"I just, shouldn't have trusted you."

I paused, "Yes, you should have. You need to trust somebody. I trust you."

"I'm really, truly, honestly going crazy," Loki laughed quietly to himself, "You trust me right now. But this isn't me. I'm a monster. I was destined to be king of monsters." His skin took on a light blue shade before quickly fading.

I shook my head and said firmly, "You make your own choices. Don't blame this on destiny. You_ can _do whatever you want."

"I want what I had," He admitted, "I want to be my old self again, before..." Loki trailed off, looking away.

"I'll help you get that way, I promise."

He sighed, "I admire the fact you played me to save yourself."

I jerked my head up at him, "What?"

"And you fooled me. I'm not on my A-Game anymore," Loki laughed lightly.

I shrugged and with shaky sarcasm replied, "Yeah, I'm just that good. You better watch your back. Now I don't have this to hide, I gotta do something."

A smile formed on his face, a smile I would have guess the god of mischief to have.

"And I'm going to try to redeem you, for myself. That's a good idea," He announced.

"But-"

"No, this would look good for Thor," He cut me off, face falling momentarily, but finished with a grin on his face, "It'll be our secret."

"Whatever," I replied, shrugging. I almost relieved. If we both fail, atleast we failed together.

"And I'm not going to call you Peyton, Lea," He said my name softly, but I pursed my lips just the same.

But before I could open my mouth to reply, he spoke first, "It's my first step into saving you."

I sighed. It felt good to hear my name. Plus... I'm realizing that wasn't even much of a punishment, and really, it hadn't started. I still have to 'find' Thomas for Loki.

"Fine," I exclaimed in a huff, and fell back on my pillows for dramatic effect.

He copied me, and stared at me for a moment, before turning on his other side.

I wanted to be in his arms again, but I knew I shouldn't be.

* * *

For most of the next day, things were a bit tense with us, and I wanted to break that, now we have this mutual 'redeeming each other' deal going on. So I planned a prank.

How does a normal Asgardian girl trick the god of tricks?

Apparently very poorly because I was putting the bucket of water on top of the door (yeah... the last time I played a trick, I must've been like 13) of my room when he walked out of the library.

"Oh," I said as he raised an eyebrow at me, "You, uh, you said you wanted to be who you were, and then, you did a lot of pranks and stuff, right?"

Loki just stared at me for a couple of seconds, before letting out a burst of laughter that made me laugh, "It's on."

And then he walked back into the library, and suddenly I was scared for my life.

* * *

Later that night, I went to go feed my horses, and I found Loki in a t-shirt and swimtrunks and two of my horses tacked and ready to go.

"You know my horses can't be involved in a prank," I started cautiously.

"Never," he grinned at me.

"But you look utterly ridiculous in swimtrunks. This must be part of something," I replied dubiously.

He shook his head, "There's something I want to show you."

My mind couldn't wrap itself around the trunks. "Where did you get _them_?"

Loki waved a dismissive hand, "In town."

And in reply, my eyebrows nearly shot off my head, "You went _in town_!?"

"Well, not exactly me..." He trailed off with a wide smile.

My mouth gaped open as suddenly I was looking into a mirror.

"You did not! You _did not_! That's not- that's not..." I couldn't even form a complete sentence in my shock, so I settled at punching him in the shoulder, as hard as I could.

"Hey!" Loki cried, laughing, as he turned back into himself.

I just kept shaking my head, "What did you even do!?"

"All in due time, my love," He replied in a sing song-y voice, and my heart twang a bit._ Lea, my love_. But then he added, "But the townsfolk are very anxious to meet your boyfriend and may just pop by with some dinner tomorrow." And I punched him in the shoulder again.

I pursed my lips as he laughed again, "Now, you go change!"

I debated refusing, but curiousity got the best of me. I ran back into the house and changed into my two piece bathing suit, and pulled jeans on over. I giggled coming out again, at his suit.

"I'm sorry, Loki, but you truly look silly."

"You're such a confidence booster," Loki replied, rolling his eyes.

"Well, I promised to never to lie to you again," I smiled.

"No, you didn't," He said, suddenly serious, catching my eyes.

I paused, holding his, "I promise now."

I took a breath and mounted the horse closest to me, and said, "I'll follow you."

Loki gave me one last look before pulling himself up and trotting off.

I followed him down to a pebbled filled creek. We let the horses graze on a small clearing. Loki conjured a picnic basket and placed it on a huge rock.

I raised my eyebrow, "You packed a picnic?"

He shook his head, "Some lady did."

"But you... you planned this?"

"Why are you so surprised?" Loki asked, a smirk playing on his lips, "Besides, we've got business to do."

"What do you mean..." I asked nervously.

"Well, you know, I do have magic, and while I may not be as strong as you, a witch, I may be able to help you. Let's start from the beginning, as you've been doing dark magic from near the beginning," Loki answered, and I just stared at him huge eyed.

"Come over here," He sighed, grabbing my arm and pulling me to the small clearing the horses were. An undeveloped flower layed among a few wild daisies, a late bloomer.

"I-I don't know what to do," I stuttered, but I did. I knew what to do, and I knew what happened once I did.

"And you promised you wouldn't lie to me," He said, shaking his head in mock disgust.

I stared at the bud and a heavy knot formed in my chest. "I just can't. I'm sorry," I ducked away, unable to look at him.

"C'mere," Loki whispered in my ear, pulling me back, "I understand you're scared. I know what you've been through. But I'll teach you the right way. See?" With a wave of his hand, the flower unraveled, making my breath catch, "No dark magic. You can do this."

"How can you help me if you can't even protect yourself? Do this for _me_," He tried again and I sighed. He had a point. If we were to ever cross Her, how could I protect us? Loki was no match for her.

"But at some point, I liked it. I didn't even think about it," I admitted softly.

Loki spoke after a moment, "I think she planted thoughts in your head. I think she changed you. But you're not like that now. You've got to learn how to control it yourself, learn without the influence of her."

"But she could always be here, she could always take over..." I said, even softer.

"Then you better learn quick, and I can always stop you."

"You say that now."

"Your family didn't have magic, correct? I do. It'll be different. Come on," He replied and closed the daisy quickly, waving his hand again.

I bit my lip and breathed out slowly. My hand hesitated over the flower, before I gave in.

But nothing happened.

Well, the petal might have moved, but that could have also been the breeze.

"You're still scared," Loki said.

"No duh."

"You can do it. You're giving life. You're giving life to a flower, you can do that," He looked down at me and I looked up, a song from my childhood flitted around my ears, _there may be something there that wasn't there before_.

I bit my lip again and breathed through my nose. I put my hand over the flower and cleared my mind, and focused on the fact I was bringing life to something, not death. I closed my eyes.

"Lea," Loki breathed my name. My eyes bolted open and then looked up, as the little wild daisy had not only bloomed but grew about fifty feet.

My mouth formed a little 'o' before gasping, "We should get this down before someone sees!"

"You do it."

"What?"

"You do it. I get it down, it dies. I'll pluck. You shrink it back. You're still letting it live," He explained, then added, "Keep your eyes open."

I did as he told and within moments it was back down again.

Loki smiled a sweet, genuine smile at me.

Yup, something was definitely there that wasn't there before.

* * *

I made it clear I was done for the day and went to dip my toes in the water. I pulled off my jeans and shirt to reveal a ruffle-y, polka dotted tankini. I took a step in the creek and let out a surprised gasp.

I glanced back at Loki and yelled, "Join me!"

I looked back to see him shaking his head.

"No, Loki. No. You didn't get those stupid trunks for nothing. Come," I said, turning around. This time I grabbed his arm and pulled him with me. He came along with a small smile and let out a gasp similar to mine when his feet hit the water.

"It gets better the longer you're in," I said, pulling him farther, and he started to bulk. "Come oooon," I whined, tucking him harder.

And then unfortunately, I slipped on a slick pebble, but fortunately, I brought him down with me.

Even in the shallow water, we both came up sputtering, insides shocked from the cold.

"Okay, I'm done," I said, shivering, as Loki helped me up.

"'_It gets better the longer you're in_,'" He mocked me, laughing. I glared at him for a moment, but it quickly softened as I noticed all the places his wet t-shirt formed to. I swallowed.

And Loki grinned at my staring. I abruptly started back, but the sudden movement made me slip again. He was there to catch me.

My breath was taken away again, but not from the shock.

Holding me close to him, he shook his, "Illeana, there is something so different about you."

"Lea," I corrected automatically, habit from a lifetime ago popping up. I barely breathed.

"Illeana," Loki repeated. I felt his breath tickle my ear. He carefully spun me around so I was front facing him. I looked up at him and closed my eyes.

And what I hoped would happen, happened.

He gently placed his lips on mine. Very, very gently, so gentle I almost didn't feel it. His lips were cold, so cold my lips almost felt numb, but heat rose up in us and it _felt so good_.

Loki took a breath and I stood on my tiptoes to kiss him harder.

That night, we crawled into bed together and he wrapped his arms around me. I felt safe and content and I've never felt this way before. I fell asleep listening to his steady breaths behind my ear.

But I should have known this happiness wouldn't last. I didn't deserve to be redeemed by saving him, and I didn't deserve him trying. The witch was quick to remind me.

_"You silly, silly girl," She cackled at me. She was the definition of the evil witch in every fairy tale, "You went in fell in love with him!"_

_She didn't even bother trying to control my emotions, my thoughts. She already knew about my day, somehow. Already knew how I could do magic again._

_"You're just going to hurt him... or worse, _kill _him. You really think you could stay in control? Well, we've seen you try before," Her lips rose in a smile, revealing her black gummed mouth._

_I stayed quiet, fighting with all the emotions that swirled inside me. She would not get to me though. I will not say anything._

_"I think maybe it's time to tell him the truth. I mean, I know you promised not to lie to him, but shouldn't honesty come with that?"_

_I pursed my lips, but the uglier, nastier emotions were winning the battle. I blinked quickly to keep tears from falling. _

_"And don't think you're in control here. I am, and I always will be. You're not talking only because I just came to deliver you a message and I didn't want to hear your whiny voice. I don't have time for that," but she paused anyways before continuing on, "It's almost time, my dear Illeana. You better get in terms with the fact you will lose, not only yourself, but the things you love. Starting with the thing sleeping soundly next to you right now."_

I bolted straight up before the last words were spoken, but it echoed around my dark room just the same. I trembled in terror, and what scared me worse, was I woke to an empty bed.

I screamed Loki's name.

I ran around the house screaming Loki's name.

I ran outside screaming Loki's name.

A few knickers were my only reply.

Loki's gone.


End file.
